Naked man makes "Hoarders" seem like a sitcom.

There's a new diet I'm coming out with. It's called the "Hoarders" diet. Simply put, the diet just makes you eat every meal, no matter what it is, how big or how many calories it has, in front of the television while watching the TV show "Hoarders" on TV. You'll never eat another meal again.



















I understand that most of these people suffer from OCD or some other condition, but that doesn't mean it's not disgusting most of the time.

However, a man in South Philly is making Hoarders seem like child's play. Apparently police were called there after neighbors were constantly complaining about the smell at the house and had a warrant to look inside. Once there, they found the resident of the home sitting naked outside the house.

Strike one.

After talking to the man, he claimed he was in the CIA.

Strike two.
The police then looked inside and found a dead iguana in his house, so they decided to investigate.

Officers uncovered some living dogs, eight dead dogs, two dead iguanas, a 4-foot alligator that later died, at least three living turtles, frogs, cats, rats, roosters and even tarantulas

Strike three. and four. and five. and six through 57 billion.

POINT
Wow, where to begin. Animal cruelty is a big issue in this country. I'm no member of PETA or anything, but this story would still probably make a few serial killers sick to their stomach. 8 dead dogs in his house? And where do you get an alligator in a Philadelphia?

The owner was taken to hospital for undisclosed reasons.

Oh really? I wonder why. Was it because he was sitting naked outside of his house? Or claimed he was in the CIA? Or had a zoo of dead animals in his house?

COUNTERPOINT
Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmm...not really much to work with here. Obviously the man has some mental issues. But the CIA will never confirm nor deny that anyone works for them, so maybe we can give him the benefit of the doubt and say that instead of being a total nutcase that hoarded dead animals in his house he was a CIA agent who turned into a total nutcase that hoarded dead animals in his house.















PEACEFUL RESOLUTION
Jail. Or make him watch a Sixers basketball game. Never let him own another animal again (is that possible? do pet places do animal background checks or anything like that?). Give the guy a bunch of books about animals so he can get his fix and let him hoard those instead of animals.

CONCLUSION
We finally found a bigger idiot in Philly than their sports fans.