Naked man makes "Hoarders" seem like a sitcom.

There's a new diet I'm coming out with. It's called the "Hoarders" diet. Simply put, the diet just makes you eat every meal, no matter what it is, how big or how many calories it has, in front of the television while watching the TV show "Hoarders" on TV. You'll never eat another meal again.



















I understand that most of these people suffer from OCD or some other condition, but that doesn't mean it's not disgusting most of the time.

However, a man in South Philly is making Hoarders seem like child's play. Apparently police were called there after neighbors were constantly complaining about the smell at the house and had a warrant to look inside. Once there, they found the resident of the home sitting naked outside the house.

Strike one.

After talking to the man, he claimed he was in the CIA.

Strike two.
The police then looked inside and found a dead iguana in his house, so they decided to investigate.

Officers uncovered some living dogs, eight dead dogs, two dead iguanas, a 4-foot alligator that later died, at least three living turtles, frogs, cats, rats, roosters and even tarantulas

Strike three. and four. and five. and six through 57 billion.

POINT
Wow, where to begin. Animal cruelty is a big issue in this country. I'm no member of PETA or anything, but this story would still probably make a few serial killers sick to their stomach. 8 dead dogs in his house? And where do you get an alligator in a Philadelphia?

The owner was taken to hospital for undisclosed reasons.

Oh really? I wonder why. Was it because he was sitting naked outside of his house? Or claimed he was in the CIA? Or had a zoo of dead animals in his house?

COUNTERPOINT
Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmm...not really much to work with here. Obviously the man has some mental issues. But the CIA will never confirm nor deny that anyone works for them, so maybe we can give him the benefit of the doubt and say that instead of being a total nutcase that hoarded dead animals in his house he was a CIA agent who turned into a total nutcase that hoarded dead animals in his house.















PEACEFUL RESOLUTION
Jail. Or make him watch a Sixers basketball game. Never let him own another animal again (is that possible? do pet places do animal background checks or anything like that?). Give the guy a bunch of books about animals so he can get his fix and let him hoard those instead of animals.

CONCLUSION
We finally found a bigger idiot in Philly than their sports fans.

Teenagers forbidden from selling lemonade without a business license.

Times are tough. The housing market is down, stocks aren't doing as well as in years past, gas prices are high, and the economy is still in a recession. Ask 100 people why this is so, and you'll probably get 100 different answers.

But one thing that we can all agree on that is DEFINITELY contributing to the crippling economy is...........

Teenage girls selling lemonade on their lawn without a business license.

That's right. In this story out of Midway, Georgia, a small group of 13 and 14 year old girls decided to try to sell lemonade to save up for a trip to a water park. Only one problem:

The girls needed a business license, peddler's permit and food permit to operate, even on residential property. The permits cost $50 a day or $180 per year.

The proud Midway Police Force shut them down and made them pack up shop.

POINT:

Now I've never been Midway, Georgia. In fact, I've only been to Georgia once, and that was just to change planes in Atlanta at the airport. If you're 40 years old and have never had to change planes in Atlanta at least once in your life, pretty sure you don't have a pulse. I'm sure somewhere out there, there's a flight from LA to San Diego that changes planes in Atlanta.

That being said, if the city ordinances in Midway are anything like navigating around the Atlanta airport, they're ridiculous and confusing. Upon reading an article like this, a few questions come to mind: Does the town of Midway really need money this badly? Is the girl competing with the police officer's daughters' lemonade stand? Did the mayor's son ask out one of the girls to the 7th grade dance, only to get rejected? But hey, lets give the Police the benefit of the doubt on something...

Midway Police Chief Kelly Morningstar says police also didn't know how the lemonade was made, who made it or what was in it.

Kelly Morningstar. Unreal name. But anyway, a group of teenage girls drugging lemonade and risking their freedom just to go to a water park? I'd say the chances of that happening are slimmer than the chances of you being able to walk through the Atlanta airport without bumping into 150 people.

COUNTERPOINT:

OF COURSE THE GIRLS NEED A BUSINESS LICENSE!! We can't just go around letting them make money under the table! Thanks to wikipedia, I now know there are approximately 1,100 people living in the city. Now lets logically assume that each person, in the blazing Georgia-down-south-plane-switching-heat buys 1,000 cups of lemonade, at 50 cents a cup, that's $5.5 million that these non-law abiding teenagers gets TAX FREE!!

It's people like this, finding loopholes in our laws, that are the reason this country is in economic shambles. Morningstar had no choice on this one...

PEACEFUL RESOLUTION:

Have the girls secretly give the police 50% of the profits to keep their mouth shut about it. Both parties are happy. The police get an extra quarter in their pocket, and the teenagers will learn a quick lesson on what it's like in the real world when social security and medicare take chunks out of each paycheck for something that will be long defunct by the time they're retired.

CONCLUSION:

If you're driving through Midway, Georgia, don't let your friend have a piece of your gum without a business license, or you will have to face Morningstar...